it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude i'm inner monologue high
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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