I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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