he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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