theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
