Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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