I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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