I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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