I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
