I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I believe in your delicious
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
