Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
