Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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