What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
