There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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