You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
