I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
