Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
