I wish I only lived at night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
