just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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