you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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