i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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