Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
