Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm like, not good at living.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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