dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
