butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
