The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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