You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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