okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
