dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
