You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
