So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
