Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
