Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
