I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
