Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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