So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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