i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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