I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
