He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Holy shit dude........stairs
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
