I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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