dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
