i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
