Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
