we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize