I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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