not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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