hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
