See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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