i was born a porn star she said
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
