I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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