Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My feet surprised me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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