can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
