even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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