Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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