How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
