My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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