Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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