So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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