I love black thongs
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
