Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
