I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
