Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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