babies were throwing up all over the place
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
