atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
