you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
