Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
