new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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