She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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