How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
