Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
