A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
did you just send me my own nude
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
