STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Is it because I queefed?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
