You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
