Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
