just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
