And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
