shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize