redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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