i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
