considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize