i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize