Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
