Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
