how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
