the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
