you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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