Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
