i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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