i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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