I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
