She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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