i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
