So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
