forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize