how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
