As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
