Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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