Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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