I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
two words...techno handjob
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
