Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
