Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
